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March 2009

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Wanna be home again

I went to the mall today and picked up some of those interchangable charms for those 'italian charm bracelets'. Two of them are "Papa's Girl" and "I <3 My MOM". I love my family. I mean I always have. But at the same time it makes me sad because everytime I look at it I want to just go back to when I was living at home, where all I had to do to see my family was walk to their room, where my parents cooked my meals and we ate around a table, where I was safe and taken care of. Now everybody in my family lives in a different house, one in a different state. I rarely go home and eat with my mom's new family; She spends so much time with them like she's replaced my sister and I with his kids. Back then I felt so free, like I could do anything I wanted in life. I wanted to go to college. I graduated with a 3.97gpa in high school. I had a scholorship to Western. At the time I had left my parents house and had to work full time to pay for two people. Dropped out of WWU. Then I went to BTC which was great, but again financial issues and issues at home prevented me from continuing. I want more than anything to go back to school, but I feel so tied down not having money to do it. I feel like I could be so much better than I am.

I feel like such a child sometimes. I just want to go back to my life during sophomore year. That was the best time of my life.